Category Archives: adoption

anticipation/transformation

Posted on February 23, 2011 by Emily

Life is becoming about so much more than cancer. Specifically, it has become about building our family. We first engaged with our adoption agency in the fall, and now, as winter winds down, we are literally just hours away from … Continue reading →

Posted in adoption, Infertility, Life After Cancer | 2 Comments

ghost child

Posted on January 12, 2011 by Emily

This evening as I was leaving work, one of my colleagues, who was my office-mate when my nephew was born six years ago, asked me how he was doing. Actually, her exact words were, “How’s my man doing?,” and I … Continue reading →

Posted in adoption, Family, Film, Infertility, Life After Cancer | Tagged adoption, Bubz Junior, chemotherapy, dreams, fertility treatment, genes, ghost child, gratitude, grief, infertility, menopause, nephew, peace, pregnancy, Rabbit Hole | 2 Comments

baby steps

Posted on December 15, 2010 by Emily

My inclination at the moment is to stack up today’s minor emotional setback against the nightmares that so many other fighters and survivors are enduring, and just let it go. It’s almost embarrassing to admit these feelings, but I … Continue reading →

Posted in adoption, Infertility, Work | Tagged baby shower, booties, fumbling, menopausal, normalcy, oohing and aahing, parenthood, pregnant co-workers | 1 Comment

three years on: haunted, miraculous

Posted on December 5, 2010 by Emily

When I last wrote, I’d just gotten a hard slap from cancer at the precise moment it seemed I was at long last beginning to put some distance between my life as defined by cancer and the life that I … Continue reading →

Posted in adoption, Family, fellow fighters, First Descents, Life After Cancer | Tagged adoption, cancerversary, check-up, First Descents, glass of wine, holidays, life expectancy, Market-Frankford El, Neil Finn, Perelman Center, rappel, shapeless sadness, Superior Court brief, surgery, therapy, Utah, Valentine's Day | 2 Comments

the wonder of the now (or, Cheesesteak 1, Shelob 0)

Posted on November 18, 2010 by Emily

As I was walking to court this afternoon, for what promised (and proved) to be a very uneventful hearing, I felt a strange sensation creeping over me. It was a faint sensation, not overpowering, but it was vaguely and disturbingly reminiscent of … Continue reading →

Posted in adoption, Life After Cancer | Tagged abdominal cavity, anniversary, anxiety, calendar, dread, emotional switches, head, Life on Earth, neuropathic feet, panic, running, Shelob | 2 Comments

leap of faith

Posted on November 13, 2010 by Emily

Thursday night, Mike and I attended a workshop on the effects of substance abuse during pregnancy. Our agency, Open Arms, does a fabulous job of making the adoption process all about “lifelong learning,” and one of the areas they want … Continue reading →

Posted in adoption, Family, Infertility, Life After Cancer | Tagged abdominal cavity, adoption, birth mother, chance, fetus, HNPCC, leap of faith, luck, Open Arms, pregnancy, reproductive organs, statistics, substance abuse, unpredictability | Leave a comment

no line on the horizon

Posted on October 28, 2010 by Emily

Following my hysterectomy in the early days of winter, 2008, my oncologist presented us with two treatment “options.” In my haze and numbness, I was largely unable to absorb information; Mike became my eyes and ears, as well as my … Continue reading →

Posted in adoption, Death, fellow fighters, First Descents, Life After Cancer | Tagged acceptance, adoption, CA125, denial, destination, five-year survival rate, Grim Reaper, horizon, hysterectomy, Lemondrop, magical thinking, Mike, ovarian cancer, PATCO, realism, Sarah Sadtler Feather, scans, scopes, statistics | 8 Comments

dreams, whiplash and pre-scope anxiety (oh my!)

Posted on October 7, 2010 by Emily

It is expected and logical that the eve of two surveillance scopes (lower and upper GI in a delicious one-two punch) would find me in a somewhat heightened state of anxiety. The psychological whiplash goes something like this: Spend an … Continue reading →

Posted in adoption, Death, First Descents, Life After Cancer, medicine, running, Work | Tagged 10K, adoption seminar, anxiety, buzz-kill, colonoscopy, Dali, David Cronenberg, Denver Marathon, Dr. Chu, First Descents, going nuclear, HNPCC, NLDS, Nurse Sarah, Paul Thomas Anderson, recurrence, referrals, upper endoscopy | 1 Comment

my left foot (or, what’s compulsive after cancer?)

Posted on September 6, 2010 by Emily

Today started with barking, dog wrestling and a power outage. We just spent ten days taking care of our friends’ Pomapoo, who loved to begin each day with a vigorous yet playful attack on our own aging basset hound. High-pitched … Continue reading →

Posted in adoption, cycling, Death, fellow fighters, Life After Cancer, running | Tagged adoption, basset hound, buzzing, coffee with chicory, compulsive, cycling, genetic mutation, life expectancy, MS 150 CIty to Shore, mums, neuropathy, Pomapoo, power outage, prognosis, PSE&G, running, Sarah Sadtler Feather, weed whacking | 4 Comments

the invisible hand of first descents

Posted on August 29, 2010 by Emily

Some things are so obvious, we risk taking them for granted. Some things underpin so much of who we are, what we do, that it seems unnecessary, or redundant, to spend time reflecting on their significance. At the end of … Continue reading →

Posted in adoption, cycling, First Descents, Life After Cancer, running | Tagged adoption, Caesar, challenge, cycling, evolution, First Descents, Jackson, journey back to life, Moab, oxygen, resilience, Rock 'n' Roll marathon, rock-climbing, running, Stiletto, strength, three-part harmony, training | 1 Comment