I Feel Like A Backstop


I feel like stuff keeps getting thrown at me. It’s mostly bouncing off, but it’s still a pretty grueling situation. We’ve gone most of the way, and its starting to get pretty exhausting. There’s the cumulative effect of Em’s chemo, piling up all around like foul balls stacked up to my knees.

I just hit the wall today. It was not fun. There have been signs along the way. I snapped my key in the lock a few days ago. I’ve just been feeling different, and not better. We’re in the trough right now and it’s damned hard getting out. But Em just talked about the feeling she gets riding her bike – the pedals going up and down, the chain driving the wheel, going faster and faster. That’s a pretty powerful feeling. It’s like the name for her magical sword that protects her and causes her to vanquish her enemy, except it’s not a name, it’s that feeling.

Then we shared hot dogs on New England-style buns while listening to a Crowded House bootleg from 1987. That’s been a whole lot better than feeling trapped under our misery.

We’re almost done.